FINDING POWER IN VULNERABILITY

ENIS, the very talented Kurdish-Danish singer and songwriter, says that working on his debut EP has been a truly cathartic experience. “During my upbringing, my voice was often silenced, but through songwriting, I was able to find home in my own words, which helped me to embrace and stand up for myself,” explains the artist. In his emotional first single ‘Fadeaway’ (which premieres today!), ENIS talks about his recently experienced heartbreak and the feelings of abandonment that triggered his childhood trauma of not being accepted by his traditional family because of his sexuality. “I was tired of having to love and unlove people around me,” he says. “The song became a reminder to myself that I don’t want to be someone’s favourite, I want them to love me the same way I love; wholeheartedly.” For Behind The Blinds, ENIS tell us about befriending himself in the process of curing his broken heart and the emotions that he hopes his music will instil in the listeners.

Your debut single ‘Fadeaway’ is a confessional song about heartbreak and the issues that came along when you were faced with neglect from your family who disapproved of your sexuality. Could you talk about the experiences that have inspired this song? 

Well, I was sitting in the backseat of a bike, riding along the canals of Amsterdam, when I wrote this song. It was a moment of silence, after an argument I had with my ex, who was still trying to figure out his sexuality — nothing wrong with that — but the unknown, the doubts and uncertainty, triggered the abandonment feelings in me. Which is something I’ve often faced. I was tired of having to love and unlove people around me. At that moment, while the rain was pouring down, all the lyrics came naturally to me within 15 minutes. It almost became a reminder to myself that I don’t want to be someone’s favourite, I want them to love me the same way I love; wholeheartedly. 

 In what ways has music been a cathartic medium for you? 

During my upbringing, my voice was often silenced, but through songwriting, I was able to find home in my own words, which helped me to embrace and stand up for myself. I have always thought of myself as a sad bird, but sad birds still sing and fly. 

How does your debut single foreshadow your upcoming music? What are the other themes that you want to explore with your future songs? 

They are all different dynamics and layers to the version of who I was and wanted to become when I was writing this EP. Each of them shed light on some of the biggest obstacles in my life so far; learning how to live with a broken heart and to befriend myself in the process of it all. As my very own name means ‘friend’, I have to become a friend to myself before I can be a friend to others.

What are the emotions that you are hoping to instil in people who are listening to your music? 

To not fear vulnerability. I believe that when we are most vulnerable, we are our truest selves. From my experiences, vulnerability is very stigmatised, and expressing sadness or difficulties has been seen as a sign of weakness. I have come to learn that embracing hardship and trauma, and being vocal about it, is in fact a strength. 

What are some of the artists or musicians that have inspired you throughout the process of working on your music? 

Marina Abramović, the incredible art performer – her endurance art and rawness really resonates with me, especially when it comes to creating visuals. I found myself pushing boundaries to places that I wasn’t aware that my mind and body were capable of, during filming my visuals for my debut EP. I was pushing myself to capture the real emotions that inspired me to write the songs in the first place, despite how uncomfortable it could be. Slavic art — especially when it comes to poetry and imagery — has been painting my mood boards a lot during this process. When it comes to the sonic part, artists like James Blake, Sufjan Stevens and Frank Ocean are some of the few artists that have inspired me with their creativity. “Make art, not content” is what I feel like when I listen to them — to take your time to explore, adjust and create. Also, fashion shows inspire me a lot. As I love observing how clothing and scenography interfere with each other, to create atmosphere and expression. 

When did you first realize that being a musician is something that you wanted to do? 

For as long as I can remember, it’s always been that way for me. I think my parents would agree with that. Growing up going to concerts was the highlight of my life; the rush, joy and energy I felt whenever I went to a concert, made me want to pursue it even more. The only difference is, as a child, I thought I would become a performer, but I have grown into appreciating the more artistic part of creating; seeing how poems can turn into lyrics, then into song, which turns into visuals — to see the seed you grow blooms into a flower, makes me wanna grow an entire garden. 

At the age of 16, you left your Kurdish-Danish upbringing in Copenhagen and went to California for a year. What have you learned in that time?

I always reminisce back to this time in my life, as it was my first glimpse of what it meant to freely express my identity. The beginning of that year was very rough -– at one of the places I was staying, I was being treated unethically, so 16-year-old me ran away and slept at the beach for a while. Which was very scary for me as I was afraid of the dark, but it ended beautifully. I always use this as a metaphor when I need to motivate myself, as that year I was able to achieve so many things I wasn’t aware that I could, by being so brave, open-minded, and curious.

You can now watch the visual premiere for ENIS’s debut single ‘Fadeaway’ here.

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Interview by Martin Onufrowicz