THE SEASON OF GIFTS IS UPON US, AND THIS YEAR, WE’RE EXTENDING SANTA’S LIST. AFTER ALL, EVERYONE DESERVES A LITTLE APPRECIATION. WHY SHOULD YOUR FAMILY HAVE EXCLUSIVITY OVER YOUR TASTEFUL MATERIAL AFFECTION? THIS CHRISTMAS, WE’RE SHOWING LOVE TO THE ONES WHO TOLERATED OUR DELUSIONAL RANTS, WHO TRAUMATISED US EMOTIONALLY WITHOUT INTRODUCING US TO THEIR FRIENDS, WHO BROKE OUR BACKS, OR NURSED US ON THE MESSY NIGHTS OUT – AND USING FASHION, OUR MAIN LOVE LANGUAGE, TO DO SO.
FOR THE SIZE QUEEN
Can’t really blame them. Bigger IS always better, after all.
FOR THE SKI BUNNY
You know this Christmas is the last time you’ll see her before she relocates to somewhere in the Alps for the next three months. This headband will keep her warm on the winter nights by the slopes.
FOR THE SITUATIONSHIP
“Well, no, we didn’t agree on doing gifts, but the past few months have been so nice. Oh, you didn’t get me anything? No, that’s ok, this one wasn’t for you, this is just something I got for myself.”
FOR THE LEATHER AFICIONADO
We get it, we watched Pillion too. This is a judgment-free zone. And, especially if they’ve only gotten into it because of the movie, let’s assume they’re starting slow, so why not give them the basics? A leather glove is the perfect place to start.
FOR THE DEMANDING MOTHER
She might seem harsh at times, but she just wants the best for us. Let’s show her we got our shit together with this elegant silk stole.
FOR THE STRAIGHT BROTHER
Look, we don’t get much about hetero culture, but this is our best bet. And damn it, regardless of the sexuality, surely he has a phone, and surely he needs to carry it.
FOR THE GAY BESTIE THAT IS ALWAYS ON HOLIDAY
One day, he’s in Marrakesh, the next day in Sydney, followed by a quick getaway to Tokyo. Though you have no idea how he’s maintaining this envious lifestyle, this passport cover will surely come in handy.
FOR THE EMOTIONALLY DISTANT FATHER
Oh, Christmas. A time when family is reunited, and suddenly, conversation has to spawn from more than necessity. Football might not be your forte, but there’s a language common to us all: a classic luxe watch.
FOR THE FRENEMY
One day, you guys are as tight as ever, and then, they do or say something that gets your blood boiling. And you know what’s the best revenge in that scenario? Showing them that you have a superior sense of taste.
FOR THAT TRADE WHO NEVER LETS YOU DOWN
And by that, we mean he might not ignore you if you see him in public. Obviously, he won’t wear this jumper past the confines of his flat, but it will make him think of you every time he lounges on the sofa and plays GTA.
FOR THE BARISTA
Yes, she does make a spectacular flat white. But you know she’s about to graduate from her art history degree and wants to get a gallery job. You know what will help her get it? This Venus necklace she will wear to the interview.
FOR THE REBELLIOUS SISTER
You are definitely scared of her, even though she’s only fifteen (and a half). Her fashion guru is Little J once she went to the dark side and started to dress in all-black, all the time. These boots go perfectly with the teenage angst.
FOR THE HEALTH-OBSESSED PARTIER
We all know them. The ones that go out until 6 am but won’t drink tap water (no matter how dehydrated they surely must be). The ones that indulge in every type of alcoholic beverage under the sun but won’t go to bed without their ten-step skincare routine. Let’s make it eleven.
FOR THE SUGAR DADDY
Let's switch it up, now you give him something to carry around the credit cards – the ultimate power play!
FOR THE STRAIGHT GIRL ALLY
God, where would we be without them? So, as a token of appreciation for all of the disgust she’s hidden at your hook-up stories and late-night delusions she has had to combat, give her a pair of Choos – a reference she will surely understand.
FOR THE CLASSY GRANDMA
She loves her solo coffee dates al fresco. Let’s make her an even more stunning vision in a pair of these Celine sunglasses. Also, they are great for masking the act of people watching — her go-to pastime.
FOR THE FRIEND WHO KNOWS WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED
You need to splurge. They deserve it; they know too much to be underappreciated. Let this serve as both a yuletide present and hush money.
FOR THE GYM BUDDY
You guys like to sweat together. Why not gift him something that he can put on after you both hit the showers? And also, you can borrow it from time to time.
FOR THE NEIGHBOUR
Oh, how she loves to smoke like a chimney! That said, she does water your plants every time you go away, so get her something that will go with her favourite hobby.
FOR THE GIRL CRUSH
She’s an icon, she’s a legend, and she is the moment. If you weren’t playing for the other team, the two of you would definitely be married — well, that still might happen given how trash men are. And as Mrs X (insert your last name), she is sure to slay in these Saint Laurent sky-high pumps.
FOR YOURSELF!
Mary-Kate and Ashley often wear Cartier jewellery, so we want to wear some too. The truth is, buying yourself gifts is an important part of self-care, so don’t skip out on this crucial mental health practice. And since we are not fashion moguls just yet, we’re going for this Panthère key ring.
Words by Pedro Vasconcelos and Martin Onufrowicz
